Fazli’s ThoughtBox

The world’s not gonna wait for you my boy.

Life

I’m reading this fiction book, introduced to me by Amalina, by Hanif Kureishi. It started out awkward, perhaps the ‘reading a new writer’ syndrome but I’ve enjoyed it so far. Twas about the sentiments and the everyday adventures of a 2nd generation immigrant in the UK, it does touch on sensitive and sometimes even rather startling issues, in the lines of bisexual-ism, teenage sex, adultery and religion. However I found a couple of paragraphs which I thought was worth noting down here.

On education.

“In the past few weeks circumstances had made me discover what an ignoramus I was. Lately I’d been fortunate, and my life had changed quickly, but I’d reflected little on it. When I did think of myself in comparison with those in Eleanor’s crowd, I became aware that I knew nothing; I was empty, an intellectual void. I didn’t even know who Cromwell was, for God’s sake. I knew nothing about zoology, geology, astronomy, languages, mathematics, physics.

Most of the kids I grew up with left school at sixteen, and they’d be in insurance now, or working as car-mechanics, or managers (radio and TV dept) in department stores. And I’d walked out of college without thinking twice about it, despite my father’s admonitions. In the suburbs education wasn’t considered a particular advantage, and certainly couldn’t be seen as worthwhile in itself. Getting into business young was more important. But now I was among people who wrote books as naturally as we played football. What infuriated me – what made me loathe both them and myself – was their confidence and knowledge. The easy talk of art, theatre, architecture, travel; the languages, the vocabulary, knowing the way round a whole culture – it was invaluable and irreplaceable capital.

At my school they taught you a bit of French, but anyone who attempted to pronounce a word correctly was laughed down. On a trip to Calais we attacked a Frog behind a restaurant. By this ignorance we knew ourselves to be superior to the public-school kids, with their puky uniforms and leather briefcases, and Mummy and Daddy waiting outside in the car to pick them up. We were rougher; we disrupted all lessons; we were fighters; we never carried no effeminate briefcases since we never did no homework. We were proud of never learning anything except the names of footballers, the personnel of rock groups and the lyrics of ‘I am the Walrus’. What idiots we were! How misinformed! Why didn’t we understand that we were happily condemning ourselves to being nothing better than motor-mechanics? Why couldn’t we see that?

Books, Reviews

I’ve been told imitation is the highest form of compliment.

As an artist (trying/wannabe one) I’ve just recently been given that honor. Presenting http://www.magiczwork.com.sg (no, I’m not promoting them)

I did this one in May last year: http://www.trillusionmagic.com (yes, this one I’m promoting)

Read the words, look at the concept. FTW.

Thank you. I can retire as an artist now.

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I don’t know why but I’m kinda of in love with the city. The traffic’s terrible, the transportation system is even worst, the city planning’s crazy, the air is polluted and many areas smell like piss and sewage, the rich-poor divide is so evident, the poor sit by the roadside day and night with nothing else better to do, the rich shop in the grandest shopping malls, decked in haute couture and indulging in haute cuisine, driven around in petrol guzzling machines. Then there’s the numerous people who try to cheat you all over, the so many redundant decorations, multiple shops of the same brand within walking distance of each other. But somehow there’s this glow about the city, through the hustle and bustle that makes it so romantic – albeit in a turbid way. Perhaps it’s the people, perhaps it’s the essence of hope for a better world that the city exuded.

Whatever it was, it was a wonderful trip.

Travel

Hmm… why are there so many people reading my blog? These boring rants?

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The past 3 weeks have been the best start to a new year I’ve ever had.

I can check off a lot from my 2010 to-do list. I have to start making new goals now -__-

Shah Alam with family was amazing…. the best 2 days trip with family ever. I’m beginning to love these intense trips. Arrive, “party” all out… and go home. Nothing like karaoke-ing with the cousins! And I can’t help but smile looking at my younger cousins now all grown up and pretty and handsome.

Hanoi… Words can’t describe the beautiful mountains, of Sapa… the brutal chaotic traffic in Hanoi and the wondrous, calm, serene rock formations down at the Halong Bay. And it all couldn’t have been more fun than doing it with my wonderful friends.

Klas came down to Singapore. We went up the Sg flyer. Amazing, didn’t think I’d be awed taking this piece of simplistic, copycat metal ring junk and even paying 20++ bucks for it. But yeah it did. Very much. The view of the Sg cityscape at night couldn’t have looked any better. Even after all the travelling I’ve done, I’ve come to appreciate, and respect the enormous control over nature the Singapore society, government, industries have painstakingly carved.

Had seafood at a Chinese restaurant for the first time. Professional atmosphere, gastronomic food… Chili crabs, cereal prawns and abalone… all at an unexpected small neighbourhood in Clementi, Sunset way. http://www.chinhuatliveseafood.sg/

To Raffles Hotel for Sg Sling, grand in a quaint manner. And then we went up to Newasia. The club at the 70th floor of the Swissotel. Great view. Music was so-so. “Safe” as Klas put it. But I like the place very much. Anyone wanna party with me next time?

And the next day at the beach laying down at Cafe Del Mar. I could lie down there forever.

How I miss the Swedish accent. I hate goodbyes.

Then…. I’ve completed my application for KAUST. Fingers-crossed (Don’t do this in Vietnam – haha). I really really really want to study artificial intelligence there. I think I should write an entry on this.

I think I’m prone to saying, “I don’t know”, “This won’t work” too early, too fast.

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I hate looking into the future and making wishes cos I’m afraid it will actually come true.

I’m not a planner. I Feel. Quite unbecoming of an engineer right…

I am optimistic about the future. I have realized that looking positively at something no matter how gloomy it seems, can actually change the outcome. Often drastically.

Things to expect in the coming year…

Travel
To KL on new years day with the family. Taking the KTM after soo long. Just for the weekend.
Then to Hanoi. Travelling with random people for 5 days for my “Grad” trip. To the mountains of Sapa and to the islands at Ha Long Bay. It’ll be a beautiful trip, if not better.

Tests and Interviews
KAUST application up and running. Contacted the various people I need to contact for information. Hopefully it will go on smoothly. Studying for my GREs now. It should be easy.

The class 2 bike licence has been irking me. Failed twice. I’ll make sure I’ll pass the third.

Airforce Pilot interview. Pending. Yes I applied to be a pilot. I figured it’s just something I needed to do. Inspired by the fighter jet book I got as a kid and staring in awe at the F-16s taking off right in-front of my balcony and flying over my block throughout my teenage life and the countless flight simulator games and fighter jet movies with the likes of Tom Cruise and Ben Affleck at the pilot seat, which boy wouldn’t have such dreams of flight.

School
PERGAS – back to school. Heckling those ustaz for answers to life and memorising those Surahs

Commencement is still too far away to comment. But I hope I can invite every significant person who has played a role in my education life to attend the ceremony. It will mean a lot to me.

Work
IslamicSG Networks – we’re trying to consolidate and focus our efforts now. With me back on the team, we’ll bring the company to greater heights. 1) Build networks 2) Build value 3) Shift paradigms

Garanterat – Thanks for choosing me. We’ll make this work. Bring it out of beta and into production.

Exercise
The Singapore Biathlon and SunDown marathon are in the horizon. TRAIN.

Love
Needs some work in this department. -__-

I guess that’s about how much I can see standing from this side of the fishbowl. I have yet to find myself a dream. Maybe I’m already living it.

Inspiration, Life

I could actually wish I could pause this moment in life, the feeling of having accomplished something, the hope of going somewhere, the freedom to do anything to be able to do everything. The feeling of being sheltered, being loved and the feeling of being somebody.

And you’re singing the songs,
Thinking this is the life,
And you wake up in the morning and your head feels twice the size,
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna sleep tonight…

Life, Music

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

About a year ago, I stepped foot back in Singapore.

Back from a wonderful year overseas… in Sweden, in the heart of Europe. A land far more mysterious to me the day I left it, as when I stepped foot on it. An experience that has caused deep seated change in me, both in paradigm and world view. Something which I have realized, but cannot fully comprehend.

I’ve never really shared what I’ve learnt back there.
Never found the occasion to. Never found the words too. Never found the courage to.
I want to try.

Perhaps it’s just me thinking about things to be more complicated than they should be. Perhaps it’s just me not trying to communicate my experiences, my feelings, my thoughts. Perhaps it’s just me wanting to understand everything before doing anything. Perhaps it’s just me being afraid that whatever I say will change the world more than I expect it to, or want it to.
Perhaps it’s just me.

I’ve grown as a person, in thoughts, ideas and emotion. I’ve learnt more about people, much more than I’ve had for the past 23 years of my life.

I’ve learnt to question, and to try. Beyond rationality, beyond objectivity. Beyond credo and dogma. Beyond God.

And a year from that moment, I’ve also learnt I can ignore. People, ideas, thoughts.

I wish to share. And to be honest, with both myself and with everyone. But sometimes it is more prudent to keep some things secret. Close to the heart, ingrained with the soul.
But I will try.

I miss what I had in the year abroad.

The ikea like buildings – interior and exterior, you can just smell it in the air.

The snow, the seasons, allowing me to savour the beauty of nature, every falling moment of a leaf, of a snow flake, every bloom of flower, every gust of wind flirting through my hair and chilling me through the spine.

The beautiful people, the ones I stayed with in my corridor, you don’t know how much difference you’ve made to my life – your living abroad, away from family, ingrained with foreign values, very much accustomed to the ways of people. For the never dull moments, never excluding me. For the lovely walks through the autumn fallen leaves, for the stories on the beach. For the instant noodles. For the milk, and eggs. For the bread. For keeping me company with the TV. For hearing me laugh out loud to all the comedies they show. For giving me a reason to head back “home”, every dreaded day through the chilly winds and the gloomy skies.

The ones at my work place. How much you’ve taught me the way of the Swede. Work ethic. Efficiency, planning, organisation and scalability. Growth. Welfare. Mutual respect. To also be my parents, my brother, my sister, my family.

My mentors, the teachers. The one who managed. The ones who gave me inspiration. To give further, to work faster and think harder. However much I might have denied, through your seemingly insignificant roles, you and you and you did make a huge difference to what I’ve become. Maybe through just a word, or a sentence. Or even through others and also inaction.

The people in NOC. The ones I would gladly call family. The arguments, the discussions, the happy times, the hard times. The food, the parties, the celebrations, the classes, the events. I wouldn’t have pulled through without you guys around. Being younger than I was, most of you had more experience, seen more of the world, had much more fire, passion and drive. And in some ways afflicted it on me. To think of bigger things in life, to do more than I could, or thought I could. Beyond the closed walls I’ve been born into and brought up within.

Yaty and all the Malaysians.

And the random people I look at, smile at, stare at, or even chat with on the streets.

I love you all.

The travelling. I look at the places I’ve been to. I’ve never dreamt of setting foot on them.

Taking care of myself. I miss that very much. Cooking for myself. Ironing my own clothes. Making my own bed. Cleaning my own toilet. Decorating my room, with curtains, flowers and lights.

And most importantly, the free thought. Exploring the depths of mind and ideas, concepts. philosophy.

And now a year through. I’ve received my final results, indicating that I’m ready for graduation.

The year long FYP, culminating to an end in just 3 days of report writing. I failed miserably on that one, expectation-nally speaking. The 9 modules I’ve gone through. Filling me with concepts, understanding and perhaps a little more knowledge than what I had. And a little more vocabulary. And a few more course-mates whom I can call friends, here, and there. And professors too.

The devastating lost in my comeback Silat IVP. Should have won that one. Perhaps it is not time yet.

The work I’ve done for Jan. on a web project.

And then there’s IslamicEvents.SG …. something which has sat in a rather odd fulcrum. Over my thoughts and actions. Thanks Eo for keeping it alive. Let me rekindle my dream and vision on it. May it happen soon.

Travelling to Darwin and.. Jogja.
Yeah you’re no angel, but you made me smile. For a while. And I miss that.

Now I’m faced with life changing decisions. To be. What to be. Another entry for another day.

Life, NOC

That hopeful look..
seductive side glance,
flirtatious bare shoulders
and the alluring neck exposure.

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